It was like every breath I breathed pierced my rib cage. On the fly(for the time being), I felt that I had lost my self, and all my pain became one and swarmed on me.The pain officially became monolithic with my body within seconds and began to squeeze me aside. I got up as fast as I could and started running as hard as I could.The wind loved my hair,whispering in my ear, the grains of water jumping on me from the ocean burning my body. They were trying to destroy my existence.They were coming after me.They were all trying to kill me.As the air slowly bleached, the light of the moon licked my voodoo. The voice in my head , a voice strong enough to kill me, was cutting off my ears. And it was trying to make me think that he was my only spiritual balance,and I couldn’t allow it.
I looked back and they were still after me.They were leaving me.They wouldn’t let me go, maybe they didn’t want me to.But I was determined, I got a little faster. I listened to the street. Then, I realized that like cheap laughter, cheap tears were still abundant.People were laughing, some were crying.At that moment, I lost it again.Because I was no different from them.
I realized that I had become alienated,disconnected, powerless, and lost control of myself.My knees were untied.They tore my body apart of their own free will. At that moment, I gave up seeing all the facts in their cleanest form.I lowered my eyelids softly.It was dark, and after the first two seconds, the moon’s bright smile stuck between my eyelids.I stood there in that moment.There was no escaping it.I turned around and screamed as hard as I could:
-It’s time,it’s time for pain,it’s time for violence.I’m not running away,come slaughter me,because it’s time for sleeping people to fall out of beds,the cold smell of raindrops to spread,the vows of confession, lies, pain, threats to people to seep into the street from megaphones.It’s time for literary insomnia .Come slaughter me!
They walked past me and didn’t even listen to me.I got angry, and I threw the grains of sand around.Even though my desire to be killed disrupted the form of my laughter, the form of my tears, I put my lips on what they offered once again. And finally, it began to take his first steps towards me.
I collapsed where I was. I couldn’t look back, so I built a house of my memories and took refuge in it. And as long as their curse was on me, I knew I was one with them.
I’ve realized that the expression of sentient people who match my identity with the self I’ve internalized is very different now.
I sat like a paraplegic, in the same frame…
For the time being,I realized that it was just a wide or wide hole.I want a deep,deep hole, a hole in the ground.Because I know that’s where I belong. Now I want it all to be over,I want to get to the end of the movie.I want that movie I starred in to come off!I want to scream so hard that the world will crack.I want eight billion people to go deaf,to rip their ears off my bitter scream.I want to be deaf.I want the devil to be deaf,the Angels to be deaf,God to be deaf.I want everything to be a ruin.Like me…
My brain is numb now.I have nowhere left to run.I’m stuck where I am.All I care about is death.Death and aftermath.
And I made my decision, I couldn’t let the voice in me.So I’m calmly waiting for death before I run away,because I’ve chew the past and trampled the future, and I want to spend the rest of it sleeping.
I want to be slaughtered…